Walk in Another's Shoes

 Society is a mess.

People are so hateful and mean these days.

Our whole country is divided and heading for ruin.

All everyone wants to do is fight. especially on social media.

Sound familiar? Maybe you'd heard people around you utter these words, or ones like them, recently. Maybe these words, or ones like them, have escaped your own lips lately. I confess to harboring feelings of pessimism despair when I spend any amount of time reading any comment section on any online content. 

Just today, I came across a rant by a parent, accusing a school administration of "doing nothing" about the bullying his child is experiencing at school. Dozens of commenters added fuel to the fire, encouraging the poster to get an attorney and sue. Falling into the rabbit hole, I sent a screenshot of the original post to a friend, asking if she knew anything about the situation. She sent back her own screenshot -- of the parent's public social media page, using the words "f****** r*****" to describe someone being vaccinated. 

Stop the bullying at school, OK? Keep it where it belongs: online, conducted by consenting adults. 

It's ever so tempting to fall back on the trusty statements above, isn't it? 

Whatever happened to walking in another's shoes? Whatever happened to giving others the benefit of the doubt? Whatever happened to choosing to be kind? Despite the multitude of inspirational posters like this,

somehow, we've collectively lost it. 

Wait. Full. Stop. 

Here's the thing -- the angry poster deserves kindness, too. Imagine how you would feel if your child were being bullied and you perceived that nothing was being done about it. You might feel so frustrated and invisible and unheard that you might turn to a social media platform, seeking to be seen and heard and validated. You might look around at the rampant injustice and hypocrisy around you and decide to consult an attorney. Who can truly say, unless they've been in that position? 

The challenge, then, is to not only treat the palatable members of society with kindness, but also the ones who use the "R-word." How do we do this? I don't pretend to be an expert, but here are a few steps that have worked for me (or would work, if I would be consistent. Hey! I told you, I'm not an expert!):

1. Limit your scrolling. I heard mindless scrolling described as a "trauma response" the other day, and at first, I wanted to scoff, but when I really stopped to think about it, "trauma response" may not be far off. What are we doing when we scroll? We are avoiding our real life, our real problems, our real fears. And instead of finding solace, we find vitriol. 

2. Don't read the damn comments. If you are scrolling, don't click on the comments. Just don't. You know why. 

3. Stop and ask, "What else could be going on here?" There are many, many sides to every story. Try to put yourself in the positions of as many players in the story as you can. You may find yourself surprisingly empathetic. You may also find your blood pressure surprisingly lowering. 

4. Counter with kindness. When you come across someone whose words or actions would normally make you say, "What is WRONG with people?" Intentionally send out a prayer or a positive thought for that person. We all know the adage, "Hurt people hurt people," right? Instead of contributing to the pain in the world, contribute to the peace. Yep, sounds pretty "woo-woo," but it works. If you are spiritually inclined, bring this person to the attention of your Higher Power. If you aren't really in touch with a HP, simply offer a positive thought. 

Example? Let's return to the angry poster with the bullied child. Instead of thinking, "Ugh! Why is this person putting all this drama on social media?" think, "Wow, he's really mad. I hope he doesn't allow his anger to cloud his perception of the situation and prevent his child from getting the support they need." 

Will that bring peace to the angry poster? No clue (see non-expert disclaimer above). But, it may bring more peace to YOU, which can ripple out to those you interact with throughout your day. 

So we are clear -- this is not toxic positivity, aka, "Just think everything is great and Voila! It is!" Instead, it's about being aware of how our thoughts about others impact our thoughts about ourselves and the world around us. 

It's about walking in another's shoes, even when we wouldn't be caught dead wearing them.