Earlier this week, I heard an incredible episode of We Can Do Hard Things, a new podcast launched by one of my favorite authors, Glennon Doyle, along with her sister Amanda Doyle and her wife Olympian soccer player Abby Wambach. In the episode, Glennon & Abby interviewed Simone Biles and Laurie Hernandez. Both Simone & Laurie made headlines when they spoke out about the world of gymnastics and stood up for their mental health. This fall, they are part of the Gold Over America (GOAT) tour.
In the podcast episode, called "How to Say No," the gymnasts shared their journey through self-doubt and emotional gaslighting until reaching a breaking point where they finally said, "No." The intent of my post is not to recount the podcast episode for you -- you really should just listen to it yourself.
Instead, I'd like to focus on a common theme that wound its way through both Simone & Laurie's stories. Each young woman said something along the lines of, "It took me a long time to learn to trust myself." Laurie said she had to start very small, like trusting herself to buy a candle she liked at Target without seeking approval from anyone else. If Simone hadn't learned to trust herself, she would not have had the courage to speak up when she knew she had the "twisties" during the 2021 Olympics.
Long after the episode finished, I found myself returning to the idea of trusting oneself. Simone and Laurie are elite athletes whose bodies perform impressive feats of physical strength and agility -- and yet, they didn't trust themselves. As women especially, we tend to doubt ourselves and our instincts. I am happy to report that while I am woefully average physically (I mean, I can still do a cartwheel, but that's about it), I don't really struggle with trusting my intuition in decision-making or mental tasks. I am a "go with my gut" kind of girl.
But, there was a reason I kept lingering on this idea of self-trust. It occurred to me, that I -- like many, many women (and men, actually) -- have been told repeatedly not to trust my own body. Think about it. The global weight loss and diet industry is currently a $254.9 billion market, according to PR Newswire. It is projected to grow to $377.3 billion in five year. That means there are a LOT of people who don't trust themselves enough to know what to eat and how to exercise. That's a LOT of people who don't trust their bodies enough to listen to them.
Like many American women, I have been a chronic dieter. You name it, I probably tried it or at least thought about trying it. I have actively sought out other people to tell me what is best for me and my body. Millions of Americans (maybe even you?) have done the same. All because we believe we can't trust ourselves or our bodies. Instead of self-trust, we must waste time and money and energy trying to follow the cookie-cutter advice of the so-called "experts."
Aside from dieting, we don't listen to our bodies when they try desperately to send us messages. Oprah Winfrey likes to say that "life speaks to us in whispers," and that when we don't listen, life will speak by throwing a brick at our head. This happens all the time. We ignore that we feel unusually tired one night, perhaps. We ignore the stiff joints or the headaches. We ignore the whispers, and end up in the ER or in the doctor's office with a serious concern. The brick will come eventually.
This week, I started paying attention to the way I treat my body, including the ways I tune it out. Here's a short list of what I noticed. I have a feeling I'm not alone in these habits.
* I tend to eat and drink in auto-pilot mode. I drink coffee while driving to work; I eat at my desk while answering emails. At dinner, I'm often blessed with the boisterous company of family and friends, but the side effect is that I can't hear my body over the din.
* I tend to take care of everyone else better than myself. As I said in a previous post, I showed up at work with no lunch. I make sure my children take vitamins. I am passionate about my students learning healthy coping strategies that I don't put into consistent practice myself.
* I don't always talk to myself in the nicest way. Anyone else way too hard on themselves? If someone spoke to one of my kids the way I talk to myself at times -- yikes! And the things I am hard on myself about are petty and superficial and have no lasting significance. Like, guys. Guess what. I have gained some weight. Who honestly cares? Why do we hyper-fixate on such drivel? Ah, right. Because we are bombarded with messages that our worth is linked inextricably to our appearance. Messages sent by the $300 billion (with a B) diet industry that only has our best interest at heart.
So, I've made a pretty radical decision (for me at least), and I think you should, too. I've decided to listen to my body and trust myself. I've been eating more slowly, without doing anything else but eating. I'm obviously not going to eat in seclusion without my friends & family, but I'm going to be more attuned to my body's cues. I am going to make myself more of a priority, even though that feels foreign and hard to me. And, dammit. I am going to be more kind to myself. I'm truly doing the best I can, and I really need to give myself a break every once in a while.
I would be willing to wager that I am not the only one in need of doing this work. That's why I am (over)sharing on my blog. Maybe knowing you aren't alone will help you try one of these small steps. One day at a time, sometimes one hour, one minute at a time. One candle at Target at a time, ya know?
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