Our family recently forgave a person who had hurt us beyond explanation. I'm not talking, "Oops, I said something I shouldn't have when I was upset" or "I forgot to invite you to the party" sort of hurt. I am talking betrayal and utter disregard for our feelings, not being there for us in our hours of sorrow and celebration. Ghosting us, as it were.
Then, unexpectedly, this person reappeared. This person never explicitly apologized for the hurt caused us, and the words, "I am sorry for hurting you" were never spoken. Even so, we welcomed this person cautiously back into our lives, and we tried to create healthy boundaries to protect our hearts. We walked on eggshells, tiptoeing around the said and unsaid.
Sadly, we now find ourselves in the same situation with this person yet again -- alienated, ignored, used for a short time and tossed to the curb when our usefulness wore off. We've tried -- just like last time -- to reach out, to seek for understanding. We love and care about this person. We've been ignored, and the silence is deafening.
Those who love deeply can be hurt just as deeply, can't they?
As people of faith, we believe in "turning the other cheek," and forgiving others as we have been forgiven. But, I think at times, we assume that forgiveness is a once-and-done deal. Instead, forgiveness is a tricky business. We can forgive without the person ever asking forgiveness. We can try to move forward only to find ourselves back in the mire. The closer the relationship, the harder the backslide.
I suppose the only thing that can be done is to forgive again (that whole "seventy times seven" idea, right?) but to revisit those boundaries. Forgiveness and faith don't require us to be doormats, used and discarded at whim. No, even Jesus displayed righteous anger and rebuked those who were in the wrong. We love, but we also protect ourselves and our peace of mind.
No comments:
Post a Comment